What to do, what to do...
I have struggled with what topics I should be writing about on this blog. I have no intentions of it being any more than a place where I can ramble to myself when twitter's limited words don't offer the freedom of expression I need. I think of topics for the blog, and invariably, they don't materialize into anything other than a quick note in a txt file, just so I don't forget. So the topic idea can rot in notepad for a while until I unwittingly delete it, some time down the line.
The reason I struggle with what to write on this blog is that whenever I think of things related to writing, and how they relate to me, my mind starts to wonder to personal, dark and perhaps petty things. Things I wonder if I really should be spilling on the internet, especially if I should ever gain a few readers interested enough to go back through my posts to gain a real idea of who I am.
I think, maybe I should write something about my reasons for writing, but then I realize that no, I probably shouldn't, because I'll end up talking about things that everyone goes through as if they are insurmountable, huge, personal problems. In the end, I write for my own reasons. A few posts back, I said my dream was to earn enough from my stories that I could buy a little house in a forest somewhere, and that's very true. A place for an introvert to be alone and hide from the world, because personal problems are personal problems. You don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with them. Better to walk alone and live alone and carefully measure your contacts.
I tell myself that, and really, I know it's wrong to think that. I know, I really do. But it's the easiest, in the end. Doing something hard would help me, but 10 years down the road, I don't know if I really can, anymore.
There are bad and good days. This is one of the former.