A Hard Realization
Despite my long break from writing consistently, I still have friends who will read what I write, and give me honest feedback on it. A while ago, I used iwl.me to analyze my current writing vs. my writing before the break 2 years ago. My friend found it to be quite apt that I used to write like George Orwell, but now write like J.K. Rowling.
I'll be honest, I'm not used to hearing words like "bland," "trite," and "juvenile" associated with my writing. It's hard to hear, but I like to think I'm capable of accepting harsh truths. It's a product of me being born where I was, though. It's the curse of those of us who aren't native English. We let our skills go far too easily if they aren't kept up on a daily basis. And I didn't keep up my writing. I jumped right back into it, and figured... Yeah, I'll just publish the first thing I write! That'll work!
And of course, it won't. I have a lot of writing and reading to do before I can feel right about letting anyone pay for my work. I'll post a bit of what I've written so far on Darknest and in my upcoming Fanfiction/Fiction Friday series, and leave it at that until I get to a point where I no longer have to be ashamed of my writing. Not ashamed because I write smut, but because I don't write well enough, in general.
It's a journey that I have to start over, in a sense, and given where I was felt I was, it has been a rough start. Two years ago, I firmly believe I was capable of writing a lot, and writing of a quality I'd feel good about selling. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm just not as good as I was, these last few days. That isn't easy, but without honest feedback from my friends, it wouldn't have happened at all.
Like anything you don't practice, skill at writing atrophies. But I'll get there. I'll get back to where I was.